AlexKaulitz
October 10th, 2011, 11:36 PM
Didn't see a thread for good jokes, thought I'd start one. :-P
HIS AND HER DIARY FOR THE SAME DAY
Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -- I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Diary:
Boat wouldn't start; can't figure out why.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Give a guy a break!!
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5
minutes and when I came out there was a @#$%&% cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a sheep abusing, horse humping Bozo. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes; the more I abused him, the more
tickets he wrote. I really didn't give a crap but you should have seen
his face when I crossed the street, got into my car & drove away.....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three nuns were attending a Blue Jays Game. Three men were sitting directly behind them. Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns, hoping they’d get annoyed enough to move to another area.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, “I think I’m going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there.”
Then the second guy spoke up and said loudly, “I want to move to Montana. There are only 75 nuns living there.”
The third guy yelled, “I want to go to Idaho. There are only 50 nuns living there.”
The Mother Superior turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said, “Why don’t you go to Hell….there aren’t any nuns there.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny watched his Daddy's' car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car a and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane In a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mom, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to Look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his Pants off, then Aunt Jane ...”
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, ' Johnny , this is such An interesting
story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it Tonight.”
At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, “I was at the Playground and I saw my Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a Big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”
Mommy fainted!
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!
HIS AND HER DIARY FOR THE SAME DAY
Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -- I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Diary:
Boat wouldn't start; can't figure out why.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Give a guy a break!!
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5
minutes and when I came out there was a @#$%&% cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!
So I called him a sheep abusing, horse humping Bozo. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes; the more I abused him, the more
tickets he wrote. I really didn't give a crap but you should have seen
his face when I crossed the street, got into my car & drove away.....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three nuns were attending a Blue Jays Game. Three men were sitting directly behind them. Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns, hoping they’d get annoyed enough to move to another area.
In a very loud voice, the first guy said, “I think I’m going to move to Utah. There are only 100 nuns living there.”
Then the second guy spoke up and said loudly, “I want to move to Montana. There are only 75 nuns living there.”
The third guy yelled, “I want to go to Idaho. There are only 50 nuns living there.”
The Mother Superior turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet and calm voice said, “Why don’t you go to Hell….there aren’t any nuns there.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny watched his Daddy's' car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car a and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane In a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mom, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to Look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his Pants off, then Aunt Jane ...”
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, ' Johnny , this is such An interesting
story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it Tonight.”
At the dinner table that evening, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, “I was at the Playground and I saw my Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a Big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”
Mommy fainted!
Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!