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LipsOfAnAngel
March 25th, 2008, 02:24 PM
ok, so i was going to post this on the uk forum but it's down and i'm not a member of the back-up. besides, the song this story is based off of is an american song so i thought to post it here on the us forums first. hope you like it! oh, one more thing. this is a mini mystery. the TH boy she talks about, you have to figure out who it is. i won't tell you til the end of the story. so, enjoy!!


Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

“How wrong he was.”
A girl, long brown hair, blue eyes and freckles, sat by the radio. She turned it off and looked out the window. Her name was Delilah, and even though that song wasn’t for her per say, the boy who sang it to her made it hers. Delilah sighed and stood up. She walked over to her computer and pulled up her e-mail.

One new e-mail

She clicked on it.

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

He was quoting that song for the e-mail.
“How pathetic.” she said.

For once, will you stop quoting that song and send me a real e-mail?

You see, Delilah was born and raised in Germany. She moved to New York City for college. Though she hadn’t really talked to him in years, she still sent e-mails. But it was hard to forget that face. His chocolate brown eyes, his tall frame.
Delilah shook her head and brought up her music player. It was set to shuffle at the moment and when she hit play...

Hey there Delilah

“Ahh!”
She went to the next song.

I'm still awake for you
We won't make it together

“That’s no better!”
She turned it off completely and got up. Delilah walked out the front door into the cool spring air. She walked down the street until she couldn’t take it anymore. Tears began to fall from her eyes. Delilah wiped them away but they kept coming. She turned around and ran back home. She missed him. As much as she tried to be mad at him for leaving her, she just couldn’t do it. She loved him and he loved her. Delilah picked up her phone and dialed his number.
“Hello?”
She sniffed.
“Delilah? What’s wrong?”
“I just miss you so much! I was mad at you at first but I never was really! I’m sorry I left without saying good bye! I’m so sorry! I still love you!”
“Oh, Delilah I still love you too. You know how work got in the way, I tried to be with you but I never had time. I’m sorry.”
Delilah continued to cry.
“No, i’m sorry. I ignored you or was rude to you. Whenever I here that song, my heart breaks ‘cause I know you really are thinking of me!”
There was silence on the other end.
“Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I just had to grab something.”
Delilah heard guitar strings being strummed. She smiled.
“Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.”
Tears of happiness fell this time.
“I miss you so much.” he said.
“You know, I really have two more years of school.” she said with a laugh.
“I figured. Hey, will you be able to come home? I know your family misses you and I defiantly know I miss you, as do the guys.”
“Yeah, of course. It’s been forever since i’ve been to Germany. Hey, summer coming up which means no classes. I’ll try to get a flight home during that.”
“That sound great. Look, Delilah, i’ve got to go. I love you.”
“I love you too.”

POGOx3
March 25th, 2008, 02:47 PM
ahhh plain white T's ;D

LipsOfAnAngel
March 25th, 2008, 03:49 PM
ok, so for you guys who didn't know, the second song deliah listened to was sacred by our boys. english lyrics.


Three months passed and Delilah sat on a plane home, to Germany. She had her ipod on and was listening to her song, Hey there, Delilah. She smiled at the lyrics and looked at an old picture of him. He hadn’t changed much since she last saw him. He was in a band, it was huge in Germany. Tokio Hotel. She couldn’t listen to their music before because it made her think of him and she was still ‘mad’ at him. But now, everything was good.
The plane ride took almost a whole day, Delilah slept most of the way. The plane landed and she sat patiently, waiting to get off. He was waiting for her, as was the rest of the band, and her parents. Delilah walked down the aisle with her carry-on. The huge airport appeared before her and there they were, her family, friends and... boyfriend.
“Hey!”
Delilah hugged her mom then her dad.
“Wow, look at you. You’ve gotten more beautiful.” said her dad.
“Thanks, Dad.”
Delilah turned to see one of the guys, Bill. She ran to him and hugged him tightly.
“I’ve missed you.”
She hugged Tom, Georg and Gustav, saying the same thing to all of them.
“We missed you too Delilah.” said Georg.
Tom took her bag and Bill wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Georg was on her other side and wrapped his arm around her waist. They all walked to the luggage converbelt, Tom, Gustav and her parents behind them.
“I’m so glad she’s home.” said her mom.
“Me too.” said Tom.
They got there and Gustav and her dad grabbed her bags. They continued to walk outside. There was a car, her parents, and a limo, the guys.
“Who do you want to ride with?” asked Bill.
“I think my parents. I have a feeling i’ll be spending most of my time with you four.”
The guys nodded and climbed into the limo. Delilah’s dad held the car door open for her. They drove back to the house, the limo going a different way.
“It feels so good, being back home in Germany.” said Delilah.
“It feels so good having you back.”
Her mom hugged her tightly. They got her luggage inside and up to Delilah’s old room. She smiled as she looked around the room. It was pretty bare, since she took so much to New York with her. Delilah sat on the bed and sighed. She fell back onto it.

“Ok, ok. Tell us about your crazy adventures in New York City.” said Bill.
“Crazy adventures? You’ve been watching way too many cartoons, Bill. No, I had a normal time there. It was fun, I made lots of friends. But none of them as crazy as you four.” Delilah laughed.
They talked more, soon Delilah got up and went into the kitchen to get something. She was standing by the cabinets when two arms wrapped around her waist from behind.
“I’ve missed you, Delilah.”
She smiled and looked down at his hands. She played with his fingers.
“I can’t wait to get you alone... in my room... you and me...”
“Haha, funny. I just got here and that’s all you can think about?”
“You know that’s all I can think about when your around.”
Delilah turned around in his arms and rested her arms on his shoulders.
“You’re funny, but that’s one of the many, many, many reason why,” she kissed him lightly, “I,” she kissed him, “love,” she kissed him, “you.”
Delilah kissed him passionately. He broke the kiss and smiled.
“Come on.”
They walked back where the others were sitting.
“So, boys, tell me everything since i’ve been gone.”
“Well, I got a new tattoo.” said Bill.
“Really where?”
“On his bum.” said Georg.
Everyone laughed. Bill shook his head. He pulled up his left sleeve.
“Oh that’s so cool, I love it.”
Delilah looked at Bill’s tattoo some more.
“Hey, I got a tattoo, too.” said Georg.
“You did?”
“Yep.”
Georg stood up and pulled his pants off his butt so fast no one had time to realize what he was doing until they were all looking at his butt.
“Aw!! Man, put that away!” yelled Tom.
“Come on, dude. Not funny.” Gustav said with his head in the sofa cushion.
Delilah was laughing at it and fell off the sofa, she was having a laughing fit.
“Ah, Delilah, you ok?”
Bill looked over the edge at her.
“I- can’t- breathe!” she screamed, still laughing.
Tom started to laugh at her laughing and rolled on the floor. Having pulled his pants up, Georg was laughing too, soon Bill and Gustav were laughing. They were all laughing for a few minutes until Delilah sat up, drying her eyes.
“Wow, that was funny.” she said.
One by one, the guys stopped laughing and sat up.

xgennevievex
March 25th, 2008, 05:16 PM
Ekkksss
You must write more!

LipsOfAnAngel
March 25th, 2008, 06:45 PM
“Sing for me.”
“Now?” he asked.
“Yeah.” said Delilah.
They were lieing on his bed, it was night and Delilah was ‘sleeping’ over.
“Ok, hold on.
To me you'll be forever sacred
I'm dying but I know
Our love will live
Your-”
“No! Not that song, my song.”
“Oh.”
He smiled.
“Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true.”
He sang the whole song for her. Delilah smiled when he finished.
“I love it when you sing.”
She leaned forward and kissed him passionately. She placed her hands on his bare chest and pushed him back into the bed.

Delilah sat on his bed. She had her cell phone in her hands. Bill walked in.
“Hey Delilah, I was wondering where you were. What’s wrong?”
She looked up at him.
“I got a text message from someone in New York.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
He sat down next to her.
“He- we were kinda dating last year. I broke it off but he never stopped liking me. He just told me he loves me.”
“Well, tell him you have a boyfriend, which you do, and say you never loved him.”
“That last part is kinda harsh.”
“Then don’t say that, just say the first part.”
Delilah nodded and pulled up a text message window on her phone.
“Dear Matt, no. Matt. I’m sorry to say that I have a boyfriend. I love him very much. But, there are plenty more fish out in the sea. Delilah. How’s that?”
“Good.”
Bill smiled and pulled her into a hug.
“Hey guys, come see what’s on T.V.”
Tom stood in the doorway. Bill and Delilah got up and followed him into the living room.
“Oh Tom! It’s you!”
“I know.” Tom smirked.
Delilah picked up a pillow and threw it at him. Then she dived over the back of the sofa and landed on him, both of them falling to the floor.
“Delilah, get off of my head.” Tom mumbled from under Delilah’s butt.
“Oh you know you like it Tom. Admit it.”
She wiggled her butt some.
“Ah.”
Georg walked in.
“Hey, have you seen Tom?”
“Yeah.” Bill pointed.
Bill was doubled over laughing. Georg followed his finger to see Tom’s body but not his head.
“Help!” came his muffled voice.
“Oh my god. You’re sitting on him?!”
Delilah shrugged. Tom finally pushed Delilah off, he gasped for air. He pushed her over, she was laughing hysterically.
“It’s not funny, that hurt!”
“Yes- it- was!” gasped Bill.
Tom stood up and dived over the sofa, knocking Bill over. They wrestled some, Bill still laughing.
“Stop, laughing!” yelled Tom, shaking Bill byt his shoulders.
This only made Bill laugh even harder.
“Stop it!!” screamed Tom, shaking Bill violently.
Bill now was laughing but not making any noise.
“Tom, you broke him!” said Delilah with a laugh.
Delilah peered over the sofa to see Bill start to turn red.
“Oh my god!! Bill!”
Delilah jumpped over the sofa and threw Tom off of Bill. She took hold of Bill face, making him look at her. Finally, Bill started to breathe again. Then his laugher died. He was breathing heavily.
“Thank you, Delilah.”
He fell back into the floor and just lied there. Delilah looked at him.
“Um, Bill?”
“Hm?”
“You just gonna lie there?”
“Yeah.”
Delilah giggled then stood up. She walked around the sofa and sat down. She picked up the remote, Tom sat next to her, then Georg on her other side. Delilah began to flip through the channels, stopping once in a while then moving on.
“Oh god, just pick something!” yelled Tom.
“No!” she yelled back.
“Put this on!” yelled Georg as he took the remote from Delilah.
He changed the channel.
“No, I don’t want to watch that!” yelled Tom and Delilah.
Delilah took the remote back. She went back to flipping.
“No! I want to watch music videos!” yelled Tom.
“No!!” yelled Delilah.
“Will you all just stop yelling for god’s sake!!!!” screamed Bill.
Delilah, Tom and Georg looked over the back of the ofa at Bill. He was still lieing on the floor but now his arms were over his face. Delilah signaled for silence to the others. She crawled over the sofa and crepted over to Bill. She stood over him, one leg on either side of him. She bented then yelled,
“Tickle fight!!”
Delilah started tickling Bill when she said it. He jumpped in surprise then tried to fight her off. Bill tripped Delilah, who fell on top of him, Bill then started to tickle Delilah in return.
“My revenge! Mawhahaha!!!” Bill said with a laugh.
Delilah was uncontrollably laughing now, trying to get Bill to stop.
“Bill- please- stop!!” she said inbetween laughs.
She tickled Bill in return, making them roll across the floor together. Gustav decided to walk in the room at that moment. He stood in the doorway.
“I don’t want to know.”
He turned and walked back out. Bill and Delilah looked at Gustav’s retreating back. They looked at each other then started to laugh.
“Funniest thing ever!” said Delilah.

agoraphobiaticalibi
March 25th, 2008, 11:28 PM
omg!!! i <3 this! it's soooo funny!! :P

LipsOfAnAngel
March 26th, 2008, 02:26 PM
ok, i know a few people like it but i want more people to read it! it's depressing to not see a bunch of posts! so, READ!!!!

A month had passed, Delilah sat on the sofa at the boys’, she was watching T.V. with Tom. Both of their hands were on the remote, waiting for the other to let go. They were watching music videos but Tom wanted to watch cartoons. Delilah wanted to watch a reality show. She looked at him and he looked at her.
“A game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Best two out of three gets to pick the show.” said Tom.
“You’re on.”
The remote sat between them. They held out the hands in fists.
“Rock,”
“Paper,”
“Scissors!”
They both did rock. So the did it again. Both got scissors.
“Ok, last wins all.” said Tom.
Delilah nodded.
They counted off, Tom got rock and Delilah got paper.
“Ha! I win!”
Delilah grabbed the remote and changed the channel to her reality show.
“No fair.”
“So fair. You set the rules.”
Delilah smiled. She looked at Tom, he looked to be about to cry. Delilah sighed.
“Fine.”
She flipped to cartoons.
“Yay! Thank you!”
Tom jumpped up and down in his seat. Delilah rolled her eyes. She got up and walked into the kitchen.
“Hey Bill, Gustav.”
Bill and Gustav were sitting at the table doing a crossword puzzle together.
“Hard?” Delilah asked as she sat down across from them.
“Yeah seeing that it’s a U.S. paper.” said Bill.
“How’d you get your hands on that?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Jost left it behind.”
Delilah shrugged.
“So what so hard about? You guys can speak English.”
“Speak it, yes. Read it, barely.”
“Besides, we don’t who or what it’s talking about.” said Gustav.
“Give it here.”
Gustav passed it across the table. Delilah read it over.
“Oh, this is easy.”
So the three of them worked on an American crossword puzzle.

Delilah was lieing on the floor. Her legs were flat up the back of the sofa. A shadow was cast over her then a face appeared. It was him.
“Hey.” he said.
“Hey. Join me?”
He shrugged and sat on the floor mext to Delilah and put his legs up just like her.
“Interesting postion. Why?” he asked.
“Just something different.”
“Good point.”
They sat there for a while. One of the and members passed but didn’t question them.
“So, anything new?” he asked.
“How so?”
“Well, in your life. Besides coming home.”
“Nothing really. I’ve been spending most of my time with you guys.”
“True.”
“What would you say if I asked you to go get a piercing with me?”
“A piercing? You know me, only my ears once. Why?”
“I want to do something rememberable with you. While you’re here.”
“I guess. What about a tattoo?”
“Nah.”
“Ok, piercing it is.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
With that, Delilah stood up and brushed herself off. He got up too.
“I’ll drive.” he said, smirkng.
Delilah just laughed.

The Tattoo and Piercing Shop was near by. They sat on the couch waiting their turn.
“So, what do you want to get?” asked Delilah.
“I’m thinking a lip ring. You?”
“Hm.”
A man with many tattoos came up to them.
“Hello, what do you two have in mind?”
“Well, I was thinking a lip ring on the right side.”
“Ok. We’ll start with you. Miss, if you want, just look at your choises over there on the desk.”
The man took him over to the case with all different jewelary. He showed him what was for lips. Then they went over to a bench and two chairs. Delilah got up and looked through a book with different piercing choices. The man pierced his lip quickly. Delilah was looking at nose piercings when they came back.
“Very cool.” she said, looking at his new piercing.
“Thanks.”
It was a silver ring with a ball in the middle.
“Miss, have you dicided?”
“No. I don’t know what I want.”
“Well, let me suggest an eyebrow piercing. Or a lip.”
“What about a tongue piercing?”
He and the man both looked at her.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes. That’s what I want.”
“Ok, come pick out what bar you want.”
Delilah followed the man over to the case. She picked a silver bar with a red plastic ball on each end. It hurt like crazy but Delilah didn’t cry. He held her hand the whole time.
“Ok, done. Here are cleaning and taking care of it tips. Enjoy your new piercings.”
He paid for them and they walked outside.
“Let’s go to the mall.” Delilah said.
“You sure?”
“Yeah! I’m pumped!”
He smiled as they walked back to his car.

xgennevievex
March 26th, 2008, 06:45 PM
I reallllyyy like it : D
You should read mine
It's not amazing but it's ok
: DD
Write more?

LipsOfAnAngel
March 27th, 2008, 02:29 PM
ok, so i just realized that this is a really short story. i didn't know i made it this short. don't hate me and my crazy ways! ok, so last ch, it's a long one!

“My parents aren’t too happy about the piercing.” said Delilah.
The five of them were sitting in the kitchen at the guys place.
“Well, they wouldn’t, would they? You kind sprung it on them. ‘Hey parental units, I just got my tongue pierced! See!!!’” said Bill.
“I didn’t call them parental units.”
“Yeah but I did.”
They all laughed.
“They’re ok with it. They know i’m an adult and can make my own decisions. But they’re still not too happy about it.”
Delilah leaned back in her seat, the front legs of the chair leaving the floor.
“I’m soo bored!!!” said Tom from across the table.
“Well, what do you want to do?” asked Bill.
“I don’t know!!”
“Tom, go play video games.” said Georg.
“Only if you play with me!” Tom said with a cheeky grin.
Georg sighed and stood up. He and Tom walked into the living room. Soon, the sounds of a racing game filled the house. Gustav got up and went upstairs. Bill rested his head on the table and looked at Delilah. She was starring at the wall in her own world. She was still leaned back in her chair. Then slowly the front legs touched the floor again. She was still starring at the wall.
“Delilah.” said Bill.
She didn’t hear him.
“Delilah.” he said louder.
Slowly, Delilah turned to look at him. Se stared at him for a moment, blinked like she wasn’t really seeing him, then her eyes grew wide like she was seeing him for the first time. Slowly her eyes went back to their normal size. She blinked a few more times.
“What?” Delilah finally said.
“Do you wanna go do something?”
“Like what? And just us?”
“Well, Tom and Georg are playing video games and Gustav is most likely reading in his room, so yeah just us. But what I don’t know.”
“Not really, i’m a little tired. I think i’ll go lie down.”
“Ok.”
Bill watched Delilah walk upstairs. She went down the hall and opened the door to his room. She lied down on the bed and curled up. She lied there for awhile. Delilah heard someone open the door then close it. They sat on the bed and placed a hand on her back.
“Delilah, are you ok?” he said.
“I don’t know. I’m tired but...”
“But what?”
“I go home in a few weeks. I don’t want to leave you. Not again.”
“Well, it won’t be like last time. You won’t be mad at me.”
He chuckled, making Delilah smiled. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.
“Thank you.” she whispered in his ear.
“For what?”
He leaned back so he could see her face.
“For everything.”
Delilah leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her passionately. They lied back onto the bed.

“You got everything, Delilah?”
Her mother stood in her doorway.
“Yeah, I think that’s everything.”
Her mother picked up one of her bags. Delilah carried the rest downstairs.
“Who’s driving you to the airport?” asked her father.
“The guys.”
“Of course.”
“Mom, Dad. I’m going to miss you guys. A lot. I’ll call as much as possible.”
“You do that, honey.”
Her mother hugged her tightly, then her father. There came a beep from outside.
“That’s them. Bye, I love you.”
Delilah walked outside to find Gustav and Tom standing by the car. They took her luggage and put it in the boot of the truck. Delilah got in the passanger side, Tom got into the driver side.
“Everyone ready?” he asked.
There came a chorus of yes’s and Tom drove down the street. They got to the airport in record time. Delilah’s flight wasn’t until 4 pm and it was only 2:50. They went inside, Delilah checked in her luggage and they went to the right terminal. They all sat down near each other. They talked, some got food and ate. The hour passed by slowly. Finally, Delilah’s flight was called. She got up and walked over to that long hall. She stopped and turned back to the guys. She put her carry-on on the floor.
“Guys, i’m gonna miss you all so much.”
Delilah hugged Georg then Gustav. She went up to Bill and hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek. She pulled away. There was only one left, Tom. Delilah wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.
“I don’t want to let go.” she mumbled into his shoulder.
“I’m going to miss you, Delilah.”
“Tom, I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Will you sing it? One more time?”
Delilah looked at him. Him, who she tried to hate for years but couldn’t. Tom stepped back from Delilah.
“Always.”
She smiled.
“Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.”
Delilah hugged Tom again and kissed him passionately. His two lip rings were cold against her lip. She reluctantly broke the kiss and stepped away. She picked up her carry-on and turned towards the hall. Delilah turned one more time, walking backwards she waved to them. Delilah walked down the hall.

*~*

It had been a hard couple of months away from Tom. She missed him a lot, as well as the others. She was sitting on her bed listening to Hey There, Delilah when there was a knock on her door. She got up and walked across the room. Delilah opened the door and gasped.
“Hey there, Delilah.”
“Tom!”
Delilah flung her arms around Tom and kissed him passionately.

xgennevievex
March 27th, 2008, 04:30 PM
aslkdjfslkdfjsoidfs
Amazing
: D
I knew it was him all along
asdfsadjflks
It was so great it really was
I liked it a lot

drummergirl24
March 28th, 2008, 11:52 AM
Oh it is soooo good! I love the Plain White T's anyways and I love TH anyways and I especially love Tom so that story is perfect!!!!!!!!! It was really funny which you don't get too much of...
You should read mine, it isn't too bad
just a thought! Great JoB!