Jess_Kaulitz
March 11th, 2008, 06:18 PM
This is too much.
I can’t EVEN think straight.
This pain is killing me.
I’m numb…I need to get him out of my head; I can’t keep on thinking about him.
He made his choice and it’s obvious I was never part of the plan to begin with.
God please help me…lock my heart up and never let anybody else in…NEVER AGAIN let anyone else in. [rain begins to fall] I need a drink…this night is going to be a long one. [Walking into a small coffee shop] “I’m sorry honey but we’ll be closing in a couple of [looking up at me] WHOA… honey are you okay…can I help you with anything?” [smiling at the waitress]”I take it I look that bad...huh?”. “Well… actually yes…yes you do dear, what in the world happened to you! Did you get robbed? You know you shouldn’t really be out this late…especially alone!”[I gave her a weak smile]
If she only knew that the last thing on my mind right now was the time, or anything else for that matter. “No, I didn’t get robbed ma’am…I’m fine. I just came in for a cup of coffee.” “This late into the night? It’s almost midnight, are you sure that’s you’re okay?”
“Yes ma’am really I’m fine…just need some coffee is all…it’s going to be a long night.”
[The waitress picks up the last couple of plates from one of the tables] “Well since you say that you’re okay…then I guess there’s nothing else left to do then…BILL!!!” she yells. I hear a voice yell back; “WHAT MOM?” “Bill, honey can you get in here, we have a customer!” From the back of the shop, I see a slim boy emerge. He comes up to the counter, with a doubtful look on his face,” a customer, this late…but it’s almost midnight, who the world would still be [he finally notices me] …oh umm I see.” What he does next makes my heart skip for some reason, he smiles at me. For an instant his smile makes the pain a little less painful, I look down and stare at the counter. “So umm what can I get for you?” I’m forced to look up…”a cup of coffee, black”…his smile drops
and gazes at me intently, his eyes full of confusion. I must have come off as a *****, GREAT. “…umm will that be all?” he asks, looking a bit uncomfortable This time I try my best to sound polite, I smile weakly at him, and he seems to notice my effort, his smile returns,” Yea,that’ll be all...how much do I owe you?” “Don’t worry, it’s on the house” “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly accept that…” [I’m cut off by the waitress/his mother] “Nonsense honey, it’s seems to us you have more things to worry about.” I smile once more at her and thank her. Bill hands me my coffee,” You know...”he begins to say, but then thinks about it more thoroughly and stops. He looks back up at me, and once again gives me an intense glare, and I notice the color of his eyes for the first time, almost a transparent hue of brown. In a daze I take my coffee thank them both once more and leave… I walk the streets for a couple more hours before finally going home. In my bed now I keep thinking of Bill…. he seems to have the same look in his eyes, as I do….sadness.
I can’t EVEN think straight.
This pain is killing me.
I’m numb…I need to get him out of my head; I can’t keep on thinking about him.
He made his choice and it’s obvious I was never part of the plan to begin with.
God please help me…lock my heart up and never let anybody else in…NEVER AGAIN let anyone else in. [rain begins to fall] I need a drink…this night is going to be a long one. [Walking into a small coffee shop] “I’m sorry honey but we’ll be closing in a couple of [looking up at me] WHOA… honey are you okay…can I help you with anything?” [smiling at the waitress]”I take it I look that bad...huh?”. “Well… actually yes…yes you do dear, what in the world happened to you! Did you get robbed? You know you shouldn’t really be out this late…especially alone!”[I gave her a weak smile]
If she only knew that the last thing on my mind right now was the time, or anything else for that matter. “No, I didn’t get robbed ma’am…I’m fine. I just came in for a cup of coffee.” “This late into the night? It’s almost midnight, are you sure that’s you’re okay?”
“Yes ma’am really I’m fine…just need some coffee is all…it’s going to be a long night.”
[The waitress picks up the last couple of plates from one of the tables] “Well since you say that you’re okay…then I guess there’s nothing else left to do then…BILL!!!” she yells. I hear a voice yell back; “WHAT MOM?” “Bill, honey can you get in here, we have a customer!” From the back of the shop, I see a slim boy emerge. He comes up to the counter, with a doubtful look on his face,” a customer, this late…but it’s almost midnight, who the world would still be [he finally notices me] …oh umm I see.” What he does next makes my heart skip for some reason, he smiles at me. For an instant his smile makes the pain a little less painful, I look down and stare at the counter. “So umm what can I get for you?” I’m forced to look up…”a cup of coffee, black”…his smile drops
and gazes at me intently, his eyes full of confusion. I must have come off as a *****, GREAT. “…umm will that be all?” he asks, looking a bit uncomfortable This time I try my best to sound polite, I smile weakly at him, and he seems to notice my effort, his smile returns,” Yea,that’ll be all...how much do I owe you?” “Don’t worry, it’s on the house” “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly accept that…” [I’m cut off by the waitress/his mother] “Nonsense honey, it’s seems to us you have more things to worry about.” I smile once more at her and thank her. Bill hands me my coffee,” You know...”he begins to say, but then thinks about it more thoroughly and stops. He looks back up at me, and once again gives me an intense glare, and I notice the color of his eyes for the first time, almost a transparent hue of brown. In a daze I take my coffee thank them both once more and leave… I walk the streets for a couple more hours before finally going home. In my bed now I keep thinking of Bill…. he seems to have the same look in his eyes, as I do….sadness.