Equillibrium +Kaulitz Fanfiction+

[Dreaminginthestars]

First part. I wanted to just focus on the Kaulitz twins. Tom's Point of View.

Disclaimer: This is all fiction. I do not own the people involved in the piece of writing nor is this based on actual events. This was not written to display any facts.


Introduction: Afraid
Some people spend their entire lives looking for their other half. Some people never find it. I was one of the lucky ones. I was born with mine. My baby brother, Bill, is my other half. I know that without him I would be incomplete. I would be stuck in a sea of darkness, the waves washing me under. You know that feeling you had when you were young, when the lightning flashed, illuminating every dark corner in your bedroom? You remember that feeling of absolute horror as the thunder crackled, echoing with a thundering, resounding ‘boom’? That’s what it would be like. Without him, I’m lost, I’m scared.

Still, he spends his days dreaming of his other half. I know he does. I just know it. I know what he’s thinking. I know what he’s feeling. It’s a connection. We’ll always be connected. And let me tell you, my little brother is a horrible liar anyway. That’s why he’s so honest all the time. He simply has no tact with these sorts of things. He’ll tap his foot a little too often. He’ll look out the window. He’ll try to play with the rings on his finger. He’ll bite his nails. It’s too obvious.

Back to the subject of his soul mate, Bill dreams about her. I feel her sometimes in my sleep too. Except unlike him, I don’t dare talk about it. Bill talks all the time. Sometimes I just think the silence is annoying him the way the ticking of a clock in the middle of the night just about drives me insane. I just can’t tune it out. I guess the silence is like that to him. And to him, this girl, the figure in his dreams, is the one.

It’s a blurry picture though. You can never exactly see the color of her eyes. You can’t really tell how long her hair is or how dark it is. It’s impossible to remember her clothing. But there is one thing. There is one thing, I think we both recall. That voice. It’s so clear in my mind. How do I put this? It makes my heart melt. So if my heart collapses into a puddle, my brother must be in absolute ecstasy, flying over the moon with a smile plastered on his face.

Bill’s so worried he’s going to miss her. She might be passing by at the wrong time, or he might not be paying attention. Everyone tells him to calm down. But what do they think? A sign is going to glowing above her head like a halo? It’s not that easy. That’s why some people spend their entire lives searching for their missing piece of the puzzle. I agree with my brother, I might miss my match as well. Even so, that makes me wonder, what does that make me and him? I worry I will be set aside. I try not to let it show. As far as I can tell, it’s working. Bill continues on as normal. We don’t talk about in unless we’re alone. But when we’re alone, I just like to listen. I just sit and listen. I think he needs me in that sense. My little brother is not one to bottle things up. He’s so open with me that sometimes I wish I could be more like that. But we complement each other so nicely. I’m afraid to upset that balance.

I’m always afraid. I’m so much of a coward. I’m scared so I try to find girls to dance with to make me feel as if I’ll find my other half sooner. Then, I won’t have to worry about being left in the dust. Still, I would probably never do that. What is an elder sibling that leaves the younger one on their own? Even if we’re still connected, if I’ve found my girl, something is disrupted. We cannot return to the way we were. The delicate equilibrium is shattered. I have to confess, I’m different from what I let out. I don’t just have trivial one night stands. I remember their names and faces, every single one. But somehow, I’ve let them all go, waiting for Bill to run into his match. Even thought it’s hurt me so deeply, I can count the times I’ve said ‘I love you’ to a girl on one hand. Keep in mind, I don’t just throw those three words around. I watch my words carefully. And, I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I’ve wanted to say those words. I’ve never held a girl without holding back a little piece of myself. I’ve never let my guard down because to me, my brother is the most important to me. My twin, my everything, is truly what I cherish the most.

Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think. I'm a horrible writer, so feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes or have any suggestions.

[forlornfate]

... That was amazing.
A literate author with a meaning to their story ...
You, my friend, are my hero.

[Rette mich]

I really liked it...continue please..

[Dreaminginthestars]

Thank you guys so much for leaving comments. I felt so overjoyed when I read what you wrote! I will continue very soon. Promise.

[Dreaminginthestars]

Chapter One: Collision

Du bist + You are + alles was ich bin + everything I am +

Strumming his guitar, Tom listened to the noise from the amps echo of the walls of the stadium, hearing thousands of singing voices. Still, one caught his ear. He turned to face his brother, expression melting from deep concentration to a tender smile and eyes shimmering with warmth. Feeling the strings beneath his fingers seemingly melted away, and his eyes closed.

und alles was durch meine Adern fließt + and everything that’s running though my veins +

Bill’s grip on the microphone tightened, but his eyes sealed as well. The assuring glance from his brother confirmed that he felt it too. Rushing through their veins was some sort of intangible link that was unrivaled by any emotion they had ever experienced. They held onto it for support, and learned to depend on its stability. However, unbeknownst to the twins, the foundations were cracking and a sliver of light from the outside world began to seep through into their minds, tainting the purity of their bond.

Immer werden wir uns tragen + Always will we be together +


Tom’s POV

I believed every word. I was everything he was. I was his everything. At least in that moment, before 'it' had begun, our bond was untouchable. It had no weak point, no area where it could be breached by anyone, anything. There was no kryptonite.

Egal wohin wir fahrn egal wie tief + Where ever we go, no matter how deep +

My heart at this point was under lock and key. Nobody got in past the surface without my hand gently pushing them away out of fear. Every person who penetrated their love farther than the surface left a scar. The scars were well concealed. Even so, I felt the bitter pain from these wounds seep into my dreams. I dreamt of their faces and let each wish my aching heart made at night fade into a quiet murmur.

Ich will da nicht allein sein + I don’t want to be there alone + lass uns gemeinsam + Let’s stay together +

The pulsing wouldn’t stop. The waves of painful memories washed up like twenty foot crests crashing down on the shoreline. Louder, the emotions began to scream, tearing into my thoughts, ravaging my sanity. I was at the brink. I was looking at the edge of the world, contemplating whether I should jump.

in die Nacht + In the night +

Tom’s ochre eyes slowly opened, feeling a nudge on his side. An amused expression adorned his younger brother’s face. He couldn’t help but grin as well, shaking his head from side to side. The lights on the stage beamed down on Bill’s face, highlighting every feature with a sharply contrasting shadow. As his voice resonated from seemingly every direction, Tom felt a comfort unrivaled by any other sort of relief. The world around him vanished.

Irgendwann wird es Zeit sein + There will come a time + lass uns gemeinsam + We’ll be together +


Tom’s POV

Maybe I didn’t see the headlights of the oncoming car. I was too busy relishing in the crisp evening air, the absolute peace, the control and power I felt, seemingly driving my own destiny off on my own path. That was a foolish mistake, believing I could keep a hold on everything. I latched onto every facet of my life until slowly, they disintegrated into a fine sand. Then as the grains slipped though my fingers, I realized I lost control when the impact struck all of a sudden.

in die Nacht + In the night +


+++++
Rain. The droplets crashing down on his umbrella were growing more constant. Back at home, somehow the weather held some sort of magnetic attraction. He wanted to feel the chilling winds and the raindrops upon his fingertips. He wanted to hear the rhythmic beating of the raindrops surrounding him. Instead of taking the shorter path, the teen veered off to the right. The bridge came into view, he remembered that bridge. Made of stone, it crossed from one end of a raging river to another.

“Forgive me.” That voice, that familiar voice. Lifting up the brim of his cap, Tom saw her. Standing up on the edge of the bridge over the raging rapids was a girl. Her hands were clasped together around her necklace. Dark brown locks clung to pale skin. Streams of makeup dripped down from her chin, streaking her ivory face. “Hey you,” Tom called over to her.

The girl’s eyes snapped open and she spun around a bit to fast. Her knees buckled from underneath her. He saw that look of sheer terror painted upon her delicate features before a shrill cry escaped her pale pink lips. “Help me!” she pleaded, fingers holding onto the stone for her life, “Please save me!”

Dropping his umbrella, the boy ran over to her. Leaning over the edge of the bridge, Tom struggled to drag the girl upwards. As soon as she had the chance, the brunette’s slim arms wrapped themselves tightly around his waist. Loosing his balance, Tom collapsed backwards onto the cobblestone ground. “Ouch!” he yelled, using his elbows to prop himself up. His arms were scratched up and a deep purple bruise began to manifest itself on his left shoulder.

Looking down at the girl upon his body he realized something. He had seen her before. That face, those chestnut tresses, that voice. “You idiot,” she rasped out, voice slightly muffled.

“Excuse me?” Tom asked, a bit taken aback, “I just saved your life!”

Lifting her face from his abdomen, the chocolate orbed girl narrowed her eyes at him. “You scared me half to death! I wouldn’t need saving if you had just minded your own business.”

“Why were you on the bridge in the first place?” Tom inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“None of your business!” she replied, “Now get off my arms! You’re not exactly light!” Realizing that his body was indeed resting on her hands, the boy quickly sat up. Kneeling on her knees, the girl rolled up the sleeves of her black jacket and examined the large wounds on both her limbs.

“I’m so sorry!” Tom apologized, trying to take a look at the cuts. He realized she was crying, the rain had previously hidden her tears. “Come on, I live around here. You need bandages.”

“No,” she snapped, standing up, “I can take care of myself.” After taking three steps, he realized her right leg was limping slightly. Soon afterwards, she fell. “Goshdarnit!” the pale girl growled in aggravation.

Making his way over to her side, Tom reached a hand out, clutching the thoroughly soaked umbrella with the other. “Come on, let’s go.” She sat there silently on the floor, eyes downcast. “Please, this was all my fault,” he admitted. At this comment, her copper eyes met his umber ones. “I’ll make it up to you,” he assured, smiling, “I promise.”


+++++
Hope it didn't come out too bad. Thanks for reading! Mwah!

[Rette mich]

I loved it.. I wonder what she was doing on the bridge...LOL I like her attitude after they fell down...

[Dreaminginthestars]

Chapter 2: I Know
Tom eyed her thin fingers digging into the palm of her right hand, dabbing the wound on her left arm with a cloth. Her face remained stoic and emotionless. Sitting on the kitchen counter, her outstretched arm was held by his hands, carefully cleaning the wound. Glassy, doll-like watched the movements his fingers made, pupils reflecting the image of her arm. “Listen, about before” Tom whispered, bandaging the now clean cut, “I didn’t mean to. I just…I’m sorry.” He released her.

“I know. It’s okay.” Watching his eyes look from place to place, the corners of her lips curve upwards. Counting the droplets of water drip from her drenched clothing the brunette saw his gaze soften. She laughed. “I’m flooding your kitchen.” Helping her down from the countertop, the boy provided support as she began to limp down the hall next to him. “By the way,” the brunette stated, “I’m Valerie.”

“I’m..,” he began only to be cut off.

“Tom Kaulitz.” Valerie finished his sentence. Tom found himself unable to stare her in the eyes and turned his head.


Tom’s POV
I had heard my name before. Thousands, maybe even millions of times. I had learned to tune it out a bit. Somehow, my name lost something. With thousands of girls screaming my name, it lost value. To me, it almost meant nothing. It was like an identifier, like boy or girl. But when she said it, I reacted. I reacted as if Bill had called my name. It was strange. I wanted to hear it again.


+++++

Plopping down on Tom’s floor, the girl’s electric blue fingernails traced along the outside of her locket. “Can I see your guitar?” Valerie curiously inquired, tilting her head off to one side.

“Yeah,” Tom chuckled, “But only if you give me something I want.”

“Well, I asked first, Tommy boy,” the girl answered, hugging her knees close to her body.

“Don’t call me that,” the guitarist told her. The girl’s face lit up with amusement. He couldn’t help but smile. “I’ll only let you see it if I get a kiss,” Tom stated. At first Valerie scrunched up her nose in a funny way, pouting so that he let out a laugh. Then she shrugged.

“Alright, but it’s a secret,” Valerie murmured, “Promise you won’t tell anyone?” The boy nodded. “Pinky promise.” The two locked pinkies. Patting the ground next to her, silver bracelets adorning her wrist jingled like bells. Tom sat down next to her. “Close your eyes.” He sealed his eyes. Smirking mischievously, Valerie snatched a pillow from his bed, hitting him with it. “Gotcha!” Giggling, Valerie tossed the pillow back onto the bed. “Sorry Tommy,” the girl apologized, still laughing, “Better luck next time.”

“Hey hey,” Tom protested, “Do you know how many girls would kill to be in your position right now?” Valerie stuck out her tongue. “It’s true and you know it,” Tom stated.

“I know.” After a moment of silence, she fell back onto the carpet, chestnut curls sprawled across the floor. “You’re lucky,” she whispered, “You know?” Raising an eyebrow, Tom laid down next to her listening to her soft breathing. He just listened. He was always the listener. It always just seemed to work out like that. “I just felt so alone. I was just a ghost. I was invisible. Nobody cared. Nobody needed me. Nobody would notice if I just vanished. It would just be the wind passing through. I was ready for the wind to take me somewhere else. I was ready.”

Facing the boy she smiled, a lone tear running down her cheek. “But then, when I fell, I was scared. Your face showed me that I wasn’t ready. It wasn’t time yet. And at first, I hated you for it.” Letting the tears flow freely now, Valerie reached for her necklace. “I hated you for reigniting that fire for life, the urge to live. I hated you because you saved me. I hated you. You were so perfect. You have love. You have a life to live. Don’t ever let go of that. Let me hate you. Just let me hate you.”

“But you know what I found out?” Valerie asked, “The more I hate you, the more I find out that it’s impossible. What is it about you? What is it about you that makes me cry? Twice in one day. Why do I want to tell you everything?” Wiping her tears away, Tom felt the smooth, seemingly paper-thin skin beneath his fingers. It was as if she would tear if he pressed any harder. “Thank you so much.”


+++++

“Right here,” Valerie indicated, “That’s the place.” The car stopped, a puddle splashing underneath the tires. “Thanks for the ride.”

“It’s not like I would let you walk,” Tom answered, “I guess…I’ll see you around?”

“Maybe, Tommy boy,” the copper eyed girl replied, “Maybe.” The girl pulled on the car handle halfway and then turned back to face him. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I expect to see that guitar next time.” Opening the car door, Tom sat there dumbfounded. As she slammed the door shut, he shook his head and watched as she ran to the house, key in hand. The limp was barely detectable now.

Driving away on the wet roads, he lifted a hand up to his cheek. He just smiled. He couldn’t say anything. The words wouldn’t do anything anyway. The silence was all that remained, ringing in his ear. But he still felt her skin on his fingertips. He still heard her breathing. He felt the beads of liquid dripping from her hair onto his hand. But now it was just the wind, passing through. It was gone just as it had arrived.


+++++

“Tom,” a voice called from the doorway, “I’m home.” Collapsing on his brother’s bed with a sigh, Bill closed his eyes tiredly. “You do not know how hard it is recording in English,” he mumbled, “I’m so sleepy.” After a moment of silence, the boy sat up staring at Tom with coal black eyes. “You’re soaking,” Bill noticed, “What happened today?” Seeing the scratches on his brother’s arm, he gasped. “Tom.”

Sitting up, the ebony haired boy walked over to his brother who was sitting on the window ledge, guitar gripped tightly between callused hands. Kneeling down, Bill’s slender hands hovered two inches above the various bruises. “Are you alright?” he asked, fingers shaking with worry, “I knew something was wrong. I just knew it.”

“I’m fine,” Tom curtly stated. His eyes remained fixed on the bridge, clearly visible from his window. Her words kept echoing in the back of his mind.



“Let me hate you. Just let me hate you.”

“No you’re not,” Bill insisted, “Tell me.” The two twins stood up and faced each other. Bill’s onyx orbs were shimmering with concern, love. “Here, let me bandage up the cuts.” Seizing his brother’s arm, Bill began to examine the wounds now dried and no longer bleeding.

“You don’t need to know,” the brunette shouted, pulling away.


“You were so perfect.”

“Quit lying to my face, Tom,” Bill answered, the rings on his finger catching the light as his arms emphasized his words, “I know something happened!”

“Nothing happened okay!” Tom yelled, shoving his brother. Bill fell onto the carpet with a thud. Realizing what he had just done, the boy lowered his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, eyes brimming with hot tears. Tom’s coffee colored irises were glistening with regret. Bill made his way towards him, arms outstretched.



“You have love.”


Tom’s POV

His love. Our love. Nobody can feel that. Nothing compares to that feeling. It’s as if the two of us were in our own world. We were surrounded by a desert of black ink, standing back to back on an island of white. We were pure. Our bond was pure. It had been just us for so long. Neither of us was willing to take that first step. I always thought I would wait until he decided to leave me and walk away. I would wait until his presence disappeared from my back, until his heartbeat synchronized with another. Yet, I had been the first. I had taken a step. I touched the ink. I shattered everything. I was the one. I made my first mistake. I kept a secret from him.

“I’m sorry,” Tom cried, releasing all his emotions, a raging tide of overflowing sorrow, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Squeezing his eyes shut the pale teen felt the pain seep into his body. “I know. It’s okay.”


Tom’s POV

It wasn’t okay. It was never going to be okay. He knew that. He knew. We both felt it. The equilibrium was shattered. It was tainted. It was stained. It was all my fault. And as I cried into his arms, I realized. She was like him. She was that girl. She was the one. She was the half. She was his. I had found her.

“I’m sorry,” Tom sobbed. Bill’s arms wrapped around the boy’s body tightly. “I’m sorry.”


Tom’s POV

Now even if I wanted to return to my brother, my shoes would have been stained with an ink. That world we knew would be stained. I wanted to keep that illusion alive, for just a moment longer. I wanted to look back and see that he still held our relationship as the most important in his heart. I wanted to see his love. I needed his love. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I was completely alone for the first time. I was without my half. I was incomplete. I was afraid to let him know. I broke down. I cried.


+++++

I don't particularly love this chapter but I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for your commenting! I appreciate it!

[Rette mich]

OO very powerful...your a great writer...PMS

[amandaaraujo]

ooh wow i cried when tom cried :? :cry: i like it i think that is how they feel wow more please

[Dreaminginthestars]

Thank you both so much. I'm sorry I made you cry. Can you ever forgive me? *hands out flowers* I will try to post another chapter soon! Until then.

[amandaaraujo]

Thank you both so much. I'm sorry I made you cry. Can you ever forgive me? *hands out flowers* I will try to post another chapter soon! Until then.
Yes i forgive you ! and ur welcome I love this FF and are you a twin because you describe it so well. Thx for the flowers i love them * sniffs flowers and smiles*

[Dreaminginthestars]

Chapter 3: Distant Voices

Sliding open his phone, Bill’s face was illuminated by a pale blue light. Careful to remain silent and not to shift too much, the boy grabbed a woolen blanket, covering Tom’s body. Leaning back on the wall, he sighed. His older brother had fallen asleep, head upon his lap. Bill touched the dreadlocks, a melancholy smile blooming on his tired features.


Bill's POV
Never before had I witnessed this. Never before had my older brother broken down like this. Never before had he apologized like this. Never before had I felt so alone. There was a wall separating the two of us. It had been coming for a while now, but I had made no move to stop it. I spoke to him all the time, but he never said anything. He never let me know anything. I gave him all of me. I gave him everything. But he held us both up. I heard screaming, in his dreams. I’m not sure what it was, but it hurt. His heart was wounded. It hurt that I couldn’t mend it. It hurt both of us.

I didn’t mean it. I knew I shouldn’t have. But I did. I yelled. I got angry at him. It wasn’t his fault. It’s really never his fault. I wanted to know. Why couldn’t he tell me? He should have just told me. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted him to open up for once and let everything pour out. But the only thing I remember his mind being full of was fear. He was so afraid he cried. Only looking back do I understand what he was afraid of. He was afraid of…losing me.

Stroking his brother’s hair, the rain continued to pour, tapping on the windows and roof. The whole house was empty and the thunder echoed through the halls. Shadows danced across the walls, creaking floorboards acting as music. It kept a beat, until the lightning flashed at the apex of all the noise, giving way to the thunder. Bill tried not to jump whenever he heard the crackling, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching jaw.


Bill's POV
I’m not going to lie. I am scared to death of thunderstorms. I still remember once when I was seven, I started to cry. I hid under the blanket. Tom didn’t laugh. He didn’t even say anything. Now, even at this age, he was awfully protective of his Teddy bear. Still, Tom just handed it to me, not even reluctantly. He shoved it into my hands. I was up the entire night, crying my eyes out. He simply sat there with me, reading a comic book with a flashlight. Any other person would have told me to ‘shut up’ and go to sleep. And I knew Tom wanted to. His eyelids kept closing, but somehow, he made it until around three in the morning. I was still hysterical. Completely fed up at this point, Tom pulled me into a hug, patting me on the back. I felt so safe. My big brother was protecting me. He was there. He was always there. I understood. Finally, I fell asleep.

Chuckling lightly, Bill spotted the Teddy, on the bed, sitting perfectly upon a pillow. Cradling his brother’s head, the boy’s midnight eyes scanned the room. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, painted fingernails digging into the palm of his hand, “It’s all my fault. How could I have let this happen? I’m so so sorry. Tom, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The booming thunder exploded again. Bill flinched. Tom was asleep. There was nobody to protect him now. He wasn’t there. For once, he wasn’t there. Bill was alone. And for the first time since he was seven, the thunder made him cry.


+++++


Bill's Dream

Blankness. White surrounded me. Raining from the sky, a black ink intruded into the perfection, inching closer to my feet, threatening to pull me into a sea of darkness. Backing up, I felt his back upon mine. Then, a bridge appeared. I knew that bridge. I had seen it so many times before, made of stone, standing over a river. A girl stood upon the edge, necklace clasped between her fingers. It was her. The one I had seen so many times before. A ribbon of blue light appeared around her body as she fell. Then, his presence vanished. Spinning around, I found her there, hair soaking with ink, staining my ivory clothing. Tom was upon the bridge. The rain began to beat down upon my face, blinding me.


+++++

Panting, Bill looked around the room, gulping a few times, trying to catch his breath. The shower was on. “Tom?” he yelled.

“Yea?” a voice replied from within the bathroom. Letting out a sigh of relief, the boy stood up.

"Oh npthing," Bill replied, picking up the brown woolen blanket, folding it up and flinging it back onto his brother’s bed. Bill grinned. Everything appeared as if all was back to normal. Heading towards his own room, the boy gazed down the hallway, a slightly dazed expression painted on his pale features. How long had it been since he last strolled leisurely on this wooden floor? How long had it been since he actually took time to look around his own house? Apparently, it had been far too long. Every inch of the corridor was so foreign, so unfamiliar.

Family portraits hung on the walls, veiled in a thin layer of dust, metal framings loosing luster. Wiping the dirt off a picture frame, he found an all too heart aching picture. He was seven. It was the last picture they ever took all together. Lowering his deep umber eyes, Bill continued down the hall slowly, unsteadily.


Bill's POV
I didn’t know him. He was never really there. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love him. I loved him. We all did. She couldn’t take it though. She ended it. They divorced. I knew exactly what happened and why it happened. That doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. It hurt. It hurt all of us. She told me it wasn’t my fault. I knew it wasn’t. She told me she loved me. I knew that. She told me that I should vent. I did. I sang. I talked. Tom listened. He always listened. I knew he did.

Bill stopped in front of his bedroom door. Grinning he traced the sloppily painted ‘BILL’ written in bold, uppercase letters. The bright black paint had faded into a less intense charcoal. Turning the golden doorknob, the hinges of the door squeaked as he pushed. It was too perfect. The bed was made. The curtains were tied back to let in light, blinds shut to keep it out. The closet was full of crisply ironed clothes, flawlessly folded shirts, and old photos next to notebooks neatly stacked against the wall. The carpet was unblemished, a vivid magnolia. The desk was organized, untouched. Crinkling his nose, appearance full of distaste, he moved his hand up to his head and though his long ebony hair. Running over to his bed and flopping down on it, wrinkling the sheets, he smiled.

Emerging from the bathroom fully dressed, Tom watched the steam clouds stream out of the room as the door was swung wide open. Whispering resounded in his ear. Raising an eyebrow, he brushed the noise off. Returning to his room and sliding open his closet door, the inexplicable sound reverberated once more. Trying his best to ignore it, Tom placed a hand on his chin. “Which hat to wear?” he contemplated. He heard his name whispered right as if a person were standing behind him. Seriously freaked out, the boy quickly snatched a red cap. “Bill, do you hear that?” he asked, wandering towards the staircase, feeling the old worn oak underneath his fingers.

“Hear what?” Bill questioned, tying his shoelaces.

“It’s nothing. Probably just got water in my ears or something,” Tom lied. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to buy some stuff at the grocery store, and then getting a coffee,” the boy stated, standing up and straightening his jacket. “Need anything?” Bill inquired, opening the main door and shoving a key into his pocket. Shaking his head, Tom smiled, the image of his brother trying to hide under a hat and sunglasses somehow humorous. “I’ll be back soon!” the raven haired boy stated, slamming the door behind him.


+++++

The automatic sliding doors parted before him. “Cleanup on aisle three. Cleanup on aisle three.” Biting the inside of his lip, Bill let out a breath of air, relieved that the store was close to empty. Strolling down an aisle of frozen goods, he opened the freezer door to grab a couple boxes of pre-made, microwavable food. Placing the food in a basket, he continued to walk, not entirely aware of his surroundings. Turning the corner, he was met with a face staring down at a shopping list.

Dropping his groceries all over the floor, he scrambled to pick them up, thoroughly embarrassed. Bill realized that a girl was also on the ground, collecting vegetables that had fallen out of plastic bags. “I’m so sorry,” the boy apologized after scooping up all his things into his basket.

“It’s alright, but you might need these,” she laughed, handing him his sunglasses. As their eyes met, Bill’s heart melted. He was speechless. “Let’s hope nobody saw. Gosh, you Kaulitz boys just pop up everywhere don’t you? Always trying to make me fall,” she joked, running a hand through her chestnut brown hair.


Bill's POV
That laugh. That smile. Those eyes. Her hair. Her voice. It was her. She was real. That figure in my dreams. That maiden who occupied my thoughts. That girl who I wished for. She was really here. She was standing in front of me. My dream had become a reality. I had found her. I had found my half. I had found my missing piece. I was certain of it.


+++++
Thanks to amandaaraujo and Rette mich for your support. Love you all. Thanks for reading.

[BlondPunk]

~*new reader*~
amazing! You write so well, unlike me :]
Luv it.
More please

[forlornfate]

...
You. Own. Seriously.
Question? Why is no one ****ing reviewing this?
How can someone not review this?
I know why. They're scared. Do you know why?
Because this story is ****ing flawless.
They know they're no match compared to you and this story.
...
I love you. Marry me?

[jackjackio]

Amazing?
Yes.
Please update soon!

[Dreaminginthestars]

~*new reader*~
amazing! You write so well, unlike me :]
Luv it.
More please

I'm so positive that you write amazingly. Just look at all the love you've gotten from your story, which by the way, I have to get around to reading.

...
You. Own. Seriously.
Question? Why is no one ****ing reviewing this?
How can someone not review this?
I know why. They're scared. Do you know why?
Because this story is ****ing flawless.
They know they're no match compared to you and this story.
...
I love you. Marry me?

You are so insanly kind.
And yes. I will marry you. XD

Thanks for reviewing. I love all of you so much. I was so incredibly happy when I read the comments. I seriously started laughing out of joy. Free hugs. I will try to update soon for all of you. <3

Lots of LOVE,
+Amy+

[forlornfate]

SWEET.
I'm getting married. <3
And it's no problem, 'cuz it's completely true.
IwishIwroteasgoodasyou.

[LipsOfAnAngel]

i love it!! beautiful. mehr bitte!

[Dreaminginthestars]

Chapter 4: Transparent


Bill&#39;s POV
I had been running for so long. The world around me was a blur. I was moving too fast. Trying to hold onto the past, the present slipped beyond my grasp. I had arrived in the future, bewildered, changed. Yet, where had the years gone? I was searching all this time for something. I knew it was mine. I knew I needed it. I knew it was somewhere out there. But where? Where was it? I kept running faster. How fast must I run? How far must I run? Where was it? Where was I? Where was it? Where was she? Then I fell.

Standing up, the girl brushed off her cotton, abstract print dress. He sat there gawking for a second. The boy shook his head from side to side, snapping out of his reverie. Getting up off the supermarket floor, looking back at her face, Bill saw her cheeks tinged with a bit of pink. He smiled before looking into her eyes. He quickly turned away.

After a moment of awkward silence in which he was nervously twiddling with his fingers, she giggled, “I’m Valerie,” extending her hand for him to shake. The boy examined her electric blue nails with great fascination, the feeling of her soft skin upon his fingers. “Well, it was nice meeting you,” she stated, walking backwards, “Tell your brother I said hi.” Waving goodbye, the brunette turned around.

“Wait,” he called after her. She turned, the edge of her indigo dress coming to life, seemingly dancing before resting against her black skinny jeans. “I…,” he paused for a moment, looking down at the floor, “Do you have somewhere to be?”

Strolling back to his side, converses carrying her over silently, Valerie contemplated her schedule for a brief moment. “Nope,” the girl answered, “I don’t think so.”

Letting his anxiety out in a breath of air, the butterflies which nervously fluttered around in his stomach flew out. The brilliant colors of bright oranges and mesmerizing blues twisted around in his imagination. Every possible emotion overflowed into his veins, rushing throughout his body. Then, as the breath left his body, the nervous feelings vanished as well. “Do you want to come to get a coffee with me?” Bill asked, avoiding her piercing eyes.

“How could I say no?” Valerie replied. Their eyes connected, he held his breath.


Bill&#39;s POV
Time froze. I felt the world around me crumble. It was just us. Like we were in a dimension made of glass, her stare shattered our surroundings. We were together. We connected. We were linked. Our fates were intertwined. She had me. I had her. She was part of me. I was part of her. Then it occurred to me. I had found a piece. But now, I had lost a piece. I felt it. It was gone. I was incomplete once more. Now I knew why he cried. I understood. He knew. I had lost him. Now he had lost me.


+++++

“You were seven?” Valerie whispered, fascinated, stirring a spoon in her cup of hot chocolate, “Do you still have them?” A wafting aroma of coffee beans and sweet cakes laced the air delicately. Sitting on a wooden chair, her elbows were upon the table. She was leaning across to better hear him talk. They’d been enveloped deep in a conversation ever since they ordered drinks.

“Yeah,” Bill answered, sipping his steaming hot coffee, “They’re still somewhere in my closet.” He was referring to his songs, his poems, his journals, all the papers stacked up inside folders and notebooks, neatly tucked away.


Bill&#39;s POV

Writing is a tool I hold close. It’s my voice. My voice is me. Strip me down. I don’t care. Take my piercings. Take my clothes. Cut my hair. Tie me up. Blind me. Sew my lips shut. I am still me. I still have a voice. If I have my voice, I am free. I needed freedom from all the pain. I needed to escape. I cried. I wrote. I hurt. I wrote. I loved. I wrote. I screamed. I wrote. Everything was written down somewhere. My walls were covered in pen marks. I would read the ceiling every night. I would write on my hands. I would write on my clothing. I wrote everywhere. And if not on paper, then on my heart. I believe my heart is covered in engraved words. They still leave their mark. They hurt. With every pulse, they ache.

Tom and I were once one. His pain was mine. Still, he was the one who carried the burden both our hearts felt. He stole every tear, cried them himself. But now, now that we are divided, when we hurt, we hurt alone. The pain is ours alone. And now that I’m alone, the wounds won’t heal. They won’t stop bleeding. Yet, I realize that my cuts are nothing compared to the gashes that run along his fragile heart.

We are both fragile. He refuses to accept it. He insists that he is strong. He listens to rap. He breaks rules. He dresses as if he would fight the whole world. He’s confident. He keeps that façade up. Still, it shattered before my very eyes. The guard he always kept up is now sinking into his battered heart, damaging it further. Now, I’m left to pick up the pieces, stained by the blood. But what good is it? What can I do? I can’t fix it. I’m too late. Please tell me I’m wrong. Someone must help him. Someone, please, please. Help him. Help me.

He stared out the window, the painted letters obstructing his view to the outside. He saw the cars that drove down the old town’s cobblestone roads and little children chasing each other around. “Are you alright?” Valerie asked, interrupting his reverie, “Something wrong? You look pale.”

“I’m just thinking about something that happened recently,” Bill replied, “I’ll be fine.” Her hazel eyes were full of concern, and her thin hand reached for his.


Bill&#39;s POV

When she reached over to my hand, I felt a jolt of electricity shock me. All of a sudden there was a warm sensation tingling in my fingertips. A flash of heat surged through my chest. I could feel it, another heartbeat beating in time with my own. And as soon as I wrapped my hand around hers, it vanished like a warm gust of summer wind. It came and went without leaving a trace.


+++++

“Tom!” Bill called into the house, the sunset visible from behind the lace curtains. The stereo echoed from upstairs. Unlacing his shoes, he heard the familiar sound of Tom playing along with the music. Taking off his jacket and hanging it in the closet, the raven haired boy strolled into the kitchen. Bill took the groceries out, placing them in the freezer. The two apples Valerie had given him were placed upon the counter in an empty wooden bowl. Washing his hands, the boy looked out the kitchen window seeing clouds the color of cotton candy float past in an orange sky. Drying his hands off, Bill recalled when his mother used to cook for them. The aroma of the food was so clearly ebbed into his mind. The illusion was almost too real to brush off.

Heading upstairs, the old wooden stairway creaked slightly. Approaching his brother’s room, Bill listened to the sound of the guitar melody evoking a long suppressed emotion of sorrow. Leaning against his brother’s doorway, he watched his brother’s fingers move along the acoustic guitar. The song stopped. “Valerie,” Bill whispered, sealing his eyes, “You know her don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Tom replied reluctantly, “I do.” Searching for a reaction in the younger twin’s face, the boy gripped his guitar tightly. “It’s really her,” he stated, trying to force a smile, "Your half."

“Why does it feel this way?” Bill asked, sliding down to the floor, head resting against the doorframe, “It hurts.” The pressure in his chest was steadily building. The air was laced with an asphyxiating mix of sadness and lies. It was too hard to breathe let alone talk. For once, the midnight haired boy had nothing to say, just emotions to let out.

“I don’t know,” the older of the two answered, “I just wish it didn’t.”

“Me too,” the coal eyed boy wished, wistfully, “I wished for this day for so long. Now, I just…I don’t know what to do.” Playing with his cell phone, Bill repeated her number in his head mentally, the text on the phone blurred by the oncoming tears.


+++++
Thank you for reading. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for all the reviews and the support I've been recieving. I appreciate it all a great deal!

[Kavrala]

Very good DTS (Dreaminginthestars). I like your story, it is very very good writing.

Don't forget to keep reading mine, I've added a new part that I think is pretty good. :D

[Rejects_Angel]

OMFG!! How could you not tell me you had a story out? And not only that but that the story is more than awesome?? OMG this is like the best story!!

**walks out of post mumbling** I can't believe I didn't know about this story

[Dreaminginthestars]

Chapter 5:Black

Holding up the lighter to the cigarette, the flame scorched the tip of it. Shoving the lighter back into his pocket, the boy exhaled all the smoke. He coughed slightly. He hated the smell of smoke. He hated the bitter taste that seemed to linger in his mouth for days on end. But then again, it hurt less than 'that'. That thought. That certainty that it was over. He shivered. Even as the spring had warmed up the icy air around him, the night’s occasional whispers of wind numbed his body. It hurt less that way. It would stop that way. Even if for just a moment, the smoke hurt more. It hurt more.


+++++

Lying on his bed, Bill flipped the phone open. 3 missed calls. Tossing the phone onto the carpet, for once in his life, his phone meant nothing. He didn’t care who called or why they did. He didn’t care if he would regret it later. Staring up at the ceiling, a candle flickering on his desk illuminated the pen marks. Abandoned. Forgotten. Alone. Shifting over so that he was resting on his side, facing the wall, there were more words. Immer werden wir uns tragen [Always will we be together]. Tracing those words etched onto the wall with pencil, lead smeared onto his fingers leaving a silvery residue. Dragging his fingers across the wall, he imprinted the white unstained paint. Again and again he blurred the once so cherished words until the words were nothing but smudges.

Slamming his fist into the wall, the boy’s midnight black hair covered his eyes. Makeup began to stain the perfectly white sheets on his bed, the pillow already covered in black residue. Everything was stained now. Their bond. Their love. The ink had covered everything. Taking his now shaking hand and placing it against the wall he wrote. BLACK.


+++++

Creak. The old rusty swing set in the park creaked when she swung back and forth. The sand underneath her feet shifted under her toes. Outside, the air was breathable. She inhaled deeply, savoring the sweet scent of the trees and night breeze. Creak. Clutching her necklace, she felt a pulsing. The locket was pulsing. It had been like that after she fell. It felt like another heartbeat with her chest, perfectly in time with her own heart. Creak. Smoke. She could smell smoke. Crying. She could hear crying. Her necklace. It was rattling as if something was inside, begging to be released. Trying to open the locket, it remained tightly shut. Then it stopped. Creak. It dangled from her neck, lifeless as before, shimmering under the moonlight.


+++++

2:19. He couldn’t sleep. He was so tired. But he couldn’t sleep.


Tom&#39;s POV
Every time I fell asleep, she was there. She was in my dreams, watching me, waiting. She was waiting for something. I was always falling. I saw the black abyss that seemed to pull me over the edge into oblivion. I was too scared to sleep. I was afraid of facing her.

On the park bench, he saw her, knees pulled up to her chest. He paused. She turned to look at him, lowering her legs. Sitting down next to her, he noticed how she shivered. About to take off his thick jacket, an icy hand brushed his. “What good is it if you’re cold?” she asked, pulling his hand off the zipper. “Here,” the brunette instructed, taking his arm, leading it around her shoulder.


Tom&#39;s POV
I was plummeting. My composure shattered all around me. I was desperate. I needed something, anything to hold onto. Now that I found her, I clung onto her for dear life. And should I let go, I knew all too well that the tides would swallow me. But she’s his. Not mine. Before long, I shall have to let go. But just for a moment longer. Please, just one moment longer. No, I can’t. Every moment is like a cut to his heart. Let go. Why can’t I let go? With every moment that passes and every move she makes, it becomes harder to liberate myself.

She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His chin rested upon her head. Slowly, his eyes closed, arms still around her frail frame. He smiled.


Tom&#39;s POV
As the time began to pass, I began to realize the frightening reality. Maybe I didn’t want to let go.


+++++
This chapter is iffy. Thinkin about changing bits and pieces.

[Rejects_Angel]

Your story is so amazing its unbelievable. U can't stop reading once u start.

[ray-do]

you write sooooo amazingly!!!
i am in love with this story!!

[Dreaminginthestars]

Chapter 6: Orange

Pancakes. He smelled pancakes. Groaning, Bill pushed himself off his bed, leaning on his elbows. Groggily, he collapsed again and lazily rolled off onto the floor. A soft plop echoed through the house as the floor beneath the boy shook slightly, the walls vibrating. Sitting up, he rubbed his eyes, wincing as a stinging sensation caused his onyx eyes to tear up. Realizing that lead and makeup covered his fingers, the teen grumbled.

Switching on the bathroom light, he yawned. “Ugh,” he commented, viewing his reflection. Turning the faucet, the tired teen washed his hands with orange colored citrus hand soap. Bill cupped his hands together, splashing his face with icy water. Snatching a towel from the rack behind him, the ebony haired boy wiped his face dry, makeup imprinting the fluffy white cotton with midnight black eyeliner and eye shadow. Throwing the towel into the laundry basket, Bill took his toothbrush and ran it under water. Squirting the toothpaste on, he began to brush running one hand through his messy hair. Brush still hanging from his mouth, he examined the large deep purple bags under each eye. Rinsing his mouth, the obsidian eyed boy switched the light off.

Stopping dead in his tracks, he blinked. Pancakes. Steaming hot pancakes. He rubbed his eyes. Tom in an apron. He walked out of the room, only to return a second later. It was still there. The image of his brother setting pancakes on the table while wearing an apron. “Okay,” Bill questioned, “Who are you and what have you done with my older brother?”

“Someone’s cranky,” Tom remarked, grinning as he untied the apron, tossing it onto his wooden chair. “Tea?” he asked, placing the batter caked pan into the dishwasher. Bill grunted as the other boy poured the tea into a cup. Sitting down, the sleepy teen suddenly slammed his forehead against the dining table, a thump resonating throughout the house.

“I’m up!” Bill yelled, only to end up rubbing his forehead in pain a moment later. Tom sat down as well, setting a plate and fork in front of his younger brother. “Since when do you cook?” he inquired, digging through the pile of pancakes to find a waffle. Engulfing his food in a sea of maple syrup, the eighteen year old was intent on filling each square with sugary liquid.

“Since this morning,” Tom replied, sliding the bowl of strawberries towards himself. Taking a bite out of the fruit, juice ran down his chin. Pulling a tissue from the cupcake tissue holder, he continued to guzzle down the strawberries, picking out the ones that were a deeper scarlet rather than blood red. “I heard that there was a celebration going on at the boardwalk tonight,” the boy mentioned. His twin eyed him with disinterest, stuffing an entire waffle into his mouth, chewing it with difficulty. “The weather is also nice tonight,” the brunette continued. Swallowing and taking a sip of tea, Bill pounded his chest, trying to get the food to go down, coughing heavily. “Maybe you should ask Valerie out on a date,” he suggested.


+++++

Ding dong. “Nobody,” Valerie commented, opening her front door. “What’s this?” she asked herself, kneeling down. A bouquet of orange roses rested at her feet.


6:00 tonight.
I’ll be at your door.
A night on the boardwalk awaits.

- Bill

Smelling the roses, she smiled. A date. And not just any date. A date with Bill Kaulitz.

+++++

Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sorry it's so short and pointless. I'm just can't concentrate right now. I wanna go to the NJ TH concert. My parents will send me and buy tickets and all. But I have nobody to go with. And since I'm 14 and it would be my first concert, I would be scared to death. I dunno if I should go. I'm such a weirdo. Ugh. Sorry, don't mind me.

[LipsOfAnAngel]

love the chappies. i missed alot. mehr bitte!

[tokiohotel26]

Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sorry it's so short and pointless. I'm just can't concentrate right now. I wanna go to the NJ TH concert. My parents will send me and buy tickets and all. But I have nobody to go with. And since I'm 14 and it would be my first concert, I would be scared to death. I dunno if I should go. I'm such a weirdo. Ugh. Sorry, don't mind me.
no ur not! i wanna go to the nj concert 2 but my parents dont wanna buy me tickets cuz we'll be in our family vaca. down in cape may and they think it'll be 2 far. i mean we'll only be like 1 1/2 - 2 hours away. not that far. plus it would be my first concert 2 and when is it the rare occasion that they're in nj - let america at all!

oh and im 14 2!!

[Rejects_Angel]

You are such an amazing writing I can't believe you're only 14. I hope everything works out with the concert and you find some1 to go with. This story is addicting